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graffitihart

3:09 p.m. :: 2005-08-25

graffitihart.diaryland

Because this poem is so short, I'm going to post it right in the review:

Tango

Take the pain-
Ease it away.
Hold my hand,
Come dance in the rain.

Kiss the tears,
Sing with me here-
Step-by-step,
We'll battle our fear.

A rose 'tween your teeth,
The thorns in my cheek,
Hold my hand,
Come dance with me.

user-name: 0/1
I'm not exactly sure what it's supposed to mean. Wait, yes I do, I got it now, if it had a dash in it I think I'd like it. It just took way too long to understand.
contact: 3/4
Notes and e-mail is just fine with me. I like tag boards and shout boxes myself, but notes and e-mail just about covers it really. Guestbooks tend to be a pain in the ass. What I really like are super gold comments, but I know that not everyone really cares that much about diaryland, much less afford it.
layout: 10/10
I like it. Not much more to say.
spacing & readablity: 7/10
It's readable, for sure, but I do have to sit close to the screen to read it. I mean, I usually do sit close to the screen because so many people like to use small text, it looks neat that way, but you could stand, based on the layout's spacing, to have bigger text. Well, it's all preference.

[18/25]

Tango

title: 4/5
Pah, I just don't think it's all that great, I mean, it covers the subject, and I guess it suits it, but it seems to... I'm at a loss.
opening: 10/10
I like the opening because "take the pain" is something we all feel at some time, it grabs your interest right away, because we've all been there before.
closing: 5/10
I don't like the ending so much, it seems way too plain, and done before. Maybe something more original, something a little bit more you. Maybe you want to make it specifically "tango." So it would be "Come tango with me." Or maybe, it add a little bit more to the end, make the last standza longer than the others, and add a line like between "hold my hand" and "come dance with me" you could put "grip it tight." That makes a build up to the end, something to add a little suspense, and interest. I like the poem, but the ending just doesn't seem good enough for the rest.
appealing & style: 9/10
I find it, for the most part, very appealing. It's short, and I love short poems, because I like to get into the heart of the poem and hear what it has to say very quickly, and curtly, if you will. I like detail, but not too much detail. If the poem is going to be a page long, it's no longer a poem, but a song, or a short story. So if I were flipping through a poetry book, based on the shortness, and the first line. I'd read it. The style of the poem just bears this calmness; The rainbow after a storm feeling. I love that feeling.
relate to it: 10/10
I already covered that a bit in the opening. We've all been there, which also adds to it's appeal. I like the way you used your words to express something so simple. 'tween is just such a nice touch. And the way you wrote "step-by-step" really puts you into it. The whole poem had this feeling of played down drama in a calm setting.
rhyme & rhythm: 9/10
I think it could use just that tad more, but back to that line "step-by-step" - I love that line. The rhythm that emits as you read that aloud puts you into a dance of words. It's a very, very good poetic device you've used there.
spelling & grammer: 10/10
It's as close as any poem is to being perfect, but then again, perfect is just in the eye of the beholder.
like it: 10/10
The only think I think it needs is a rephrasing of the last line, and maybe an added line of detail in the last bit. It's short. I like shortness. It has a nice relaxing feeling to it, which I like. It's very easy to relate to, which I think is a plus. So overall, I like it.

[58/75]

Total: 76/100
I very much liked this poem, as I already said. Feel free to submit another poem in the future. If you have a comment, leave it in the note, and I will post it below.

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