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scorp.diaryland VOICES

4:10 p.m. :: 2006-03-11

scorp.diaryland

user-name: 1/1
I think it's cute, even though I have no idea what it means.
contact: 1/4
Notes.
layout: 4/10
It's functional, and readable, but it's really ugly and basic.
spacing & readablity: 10/10
Nothing wrong with your spacing or readability at all.

[16/25]

Voices

title: 5/5
The title is descriptive, original enough for me, short which I always like.
opening: 10/10
Great opening line! "My hand trembles wanting to reach for hers." That shows so much emotion, and so much desire. You're trembling with desire! It's catchy, and draws the person in, it makes your reader want to know what happens next.
closing: 4/10
You're very last line is good, "Damn the voices." But the whole poem just goes down hill. I think instead of saying "ghosts say" and "friends say" you should just put those lines in italics and leave it a mystery whose voices you are hearing. It would bring a new element, and seem less juvenile.
appealing & style: 2/10
It's the style I'm really objecting to.
relate to it: 8/10
I think tons of people could relate. I would give you full credit if I personally could, but I can't really - I'm a go-getter when it goes to getting the person I want to be with.
rhyme & rhythm: 5/10
Lacking, but it really didn't need it.
spelling & grammer: 10/10
That's fine. like it: 4/10
More or less, like I said, the style threw me off.

[48/75]

48 + 16 = 64

Total: 64/100
That's not really a failing grade like it is in school. Think of 100 being a perfect poem, and almost no poem is perfect. Not to mention, this is only my opinion. It's a good start, and a great theme, just needs a better organization.

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