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scorp.diaryland

1:43 p.m. :: 2005-11-20

scorp.diaryland

user-name: 1/1
I'm not sure why, but I like your user name. contact: 2.5/4
e-mail and guestbook - you have notes, but they are not linked.
layout: 1/10
The only thing I can see is your menu list and the box for the entries, it looks like there should be a picture or something, but there isn't. Maybe it is supposed to look like that, but if so, then I think that's even worse.
spacing & readablity: 9.5/10
It's perfectly spaced and readable, but this template is driving me nuts.

[14/25]

Lost Love

title: 5/5
The title is what brought me to this poem, we all know what it is like to loose something you love, so it's very compelling.
opening: 4/10
The first line is okay, but it just seems to be going down hill from there. It's not clear what your meaning is, and your lack of a clear rhythm also throws me off.
closing: 8/10
The last two lines are good, the way the connenct to the first two lines. But there are many things just don't fit well, or seem very mature. For example: "I finally felt it pure and true," - You finally felt it, that makes it sound like you've been waiting for it. You should explain that. And "pure and true" can mean many things, that also is unclear and could use another line of explanation. Then by following it with "that much I do know" makes it worse, because this is like, okay, so what do you know anyway? This is just an example of how you might change it:

I finally felt it true and pure,
so long I've waited for this day,
when I could feel so secure,
that I could lean in and say;

And then you could follow it with something you'd say, but that's just an example. I think this poem just needs a lot more to it.
appealing & style: 4/10
Style isn't so great. It doesn't have anything about it that really sticks out. And the reasons why I wouldn't find it very appealing are discussed above already.
relate to it: 1/10
I barely know what you mean, so I can't really relate to much more than the title.
rhyme & rhythm: 0/10
Discussed that already...
spelling & grammer: 10/10
Good. like it: 0/10
No, not at all really. Try picking out a poem you are really proud of and submitting that one - and I'd also recommend a template change.

[32/75]

Total: 46/100
I think you deserve a much better grade. Try submitting another poem, and finding a new template.

Comment? Not yet.

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