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Recycled-Virginity

8:49 a.m. :: 2005-09-23

recycled-virginity.diary-x

user-name: 2/1
I love it! Bonus point!
contact: 4/4
E-mail, aim, Book.
layout: 7/10
It's perfectly functional and practical. I don't like it though.
spacing & readability: 10/10
Just perfect!

[23/25]

Around Every Corner

title: 2/2
The title is perfectly suitable. I like it.
opening: 3/3
The opening is beautiful, a good setup. It's easy to get into.
closing: 0/3
I think the closing needs serious work. You have a consistent rhyme scheme up until the end. Dream and home, and fears and here. I think fears should be changed to fear, and that you should work out a whole new ending stanza beginning with "anywhere but here."
appealing: 4/5
I think it's very appealing, it gives off a feeling of not being alone, and how everyone has so many problems, so many desires, it has this "larger than life" feeling to it. I like that about it.
relate: 5/5
Definitely.
rhyme & rhythm: 3/4
Up until the last few lines, very appealing and well thought out.
errors: 2/2
nope.

[19/25]

Goodnight, Goodbye

I'm seeing a similar trend in this poem, with a powerful beginning, and a weak ending.

title: 1/2
I think it's... not good enough. You're expressing your pain of the death of a close friend or family member, which is a powerful thought, but the title just doesn't hold the same power.
opening: 3/3
The opening is very compelling, very powerful. It draws the reader into feeling how you might be feeling.
closing: 0/3
I don't like the closing, it's like ending on the wrong note. It needs more depth, conclusion or excitement. If the ending has detail, then the reader can have a full understanding, which makes a good ending. Or you could come to a conclusion or revelation which leaves the reader feeling inspired. Or, you could give them excitement, which makes the reader feel satisfied, like after a good action movie. This ending leaves the reader feeling bored, or even a "whatever" feeling. (my personal opinion of course)
appealing: 3/5
Yes, and no. It's appealing if you can relate, but then again, if you can relate, and you don't want to think about it, it could really stir you up. So, in truth, I'm not sure how appealing it is.
relate: 1/5
I, personally can't relate much, no one close to me has ever died.
rhyme & rhythm: 3/4
None, but it's fine that way.
errors: 2/2
Nada.

It definitely needs work, but overall, it's a good start.

[13/25]

The Blinds

Whew, this one I like a lot more. After the first read though, I feel as though I've read something deep, and yet I don't fully understand, which is great, because I'm compelled to read it over and over again.

title: 2/2
Perfectly suiting.
opening: 3/3
Very deep, very powerful. I love it. I absolutely love it. I love the simile, and the contrast, and the slight confusion.
closing: 3/3
Just as deep and powerful. It's inspiring, and exciting, and yet dark and deep.
appealing: 5/5
Very.
relate: 5/5
We've all been in the position where we reached out, and instead of being greeted with health, happiness and light, we're greeted with "knifes" as you put it. Very powerful.
rhyme & rhythm: 4/4
Rhythm, or line separation is EXCELLENT, it brings attention to all the right things.
errors: 2/2
None.

This is the first poem I ever gave full credit.

[25/25]

Bonus: 5pts - Because you're poetry rocks my socks, and deserves more. You're obviously a thoughtful person.

Total: 85/100
I loved reading your poetry. I invite you to join my writer's group: The Circle. PLEASE check it out. :)

Comment: Thank you very much for your review! I actually have noticed that my endings get kind of weak, I should probably fix those up a bit. When I start off I always think to myself, "This is what you're going to write", so I'm confident on how I put my feelings into words, but sometimes towards the end I have no idea how to put a nice finish to it. I might need to work on that. But anyway, thank you again!

I'm glad you're going to work on it, because your writing is excellent.

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