Last Poet :: Next Poet


lacedheart.diaryland YOU

6:11 p.m. :: 2006-03-11



lacedheart.diaryland

username: 1/1
Love it!
contact: .5/4
Notes, but you don't have it linked on your main page which why I have you a half point.
layout: 10/10
I really, really like it.
spacing & readability: 10/10
Just fine.

[21.5/25]

You

title: .5/5
The title "you" has been too many times to give you significant credit. It's suiting, and that is why you don't have a zero here.
However before I go any further I'd like to say that your poem has a lot of emotion in it. It almost feels like you could have been crying when you wrote it. I got the chills when I finished it. For that I'm giving you a bonus: +5pt for giving me the chills!
opening: 9/10
It would be a perfect score if not for the error.
"I whisper your name each time I drifted to sleep"
It should either be "whisperd" or "drift" because your confusing the tense here. However, it's an excellent opening. It sets the scene for how much in love you are with this person. You could expand that simple line so far... For example just from that line I know that this poem is about someone you love, and someone that you are almost desperate for, someone you feel you cannot live without. It speaks such a loud emotion in such a small line. Beautiful! (Just fix the error!)
closing: 9.5/10
Your last line was; "the other half of my soul...." I think you should use the standard three dots (...) because it throws me off to see four. I also don't like that you're inconsistent with capitals. Some lines have capitals at the beginning, and others don't. There isn't a pattern to it at all, so I think you should make them all one way or another. Other than that, it's a very beautiful closing line. It makes the poem seem complete, and gives me a feeling like you've finished your thought. It almost seems over dramatic. but suiting at the same time.
appealing & style: 8.5/10
It's very appealing, but I do recommend a couple of things switched. Other than the inconsistent capitals and the four dots rather than three, and the tense issues, I think this line: "In a crowd, I keep searching that familiar face of yours" would be a lot better said if you said it this way: "In a crowd, I keep searching for your familiar face"
relate to it: 10/10
Hunney, we all feel for you!
rhyme & rhythm: 6/10
There is almost a rhythm, but no rhyme. A deep poem doesn't need those things, but I think it would dramtically improve the effect of the poem.
spelling & grammer: 6/10
We've already been over the errors.
like it: 9/10
I liked it alot.

.5 + 5 + 9 + 9.5 + 8.5 + 10 + 6 + 6 + 9 = 5.5 + 18.5 + 16 + 15 = 5 + 19 + 31 = 24 + 31 = 55

[55/75]

21.5 + 55 = 76.5

Total: 76.5/100
The poem is a much deeper poem than a 76, but your errors brought your score down a lot.

Comment? Not yet.

Last Poet :: Next Poet